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Courage to Change:

I thought that in every conflict, in every confrontation, someone was invariably at fault. It was essential to assign blame and I would stew for hours weighing the evidence. I became a chronic scorekeeper. Because I approached every situation with this attitude, I was consumed by guilt and anger. Defensive and anxious, I made sure my own back was always covered.

Al-Anon helps me understand that disputes come up even when everyone is doing their best. Obsessively reviewing everyone’s behavior focuses my attention where it doesn’t belong and keeps me too busy to have any serenity. Instead, I can consider the part I have played. If I have made mistakes, I am free to make amends.

Today I know that conflict is not necessarily an indication that someone is wrong. Difficulties may just arise. Sometimes people simply disagree.

Today’s Reminder:

Today I accept that each life has its share of conflict. It is not my job to document every such incident. Instead of wringing my hands and pointing my finger, I can consider the possibility that everything is happening exactly as it should. Sometimes, blame is just an excuse to keep busy so that I don’t have to feel the discomfort of my powerlessness.

“The mind grows by what it feeds on.”
– Josiah G. Holland

From the book “Courage to Change”. Copyright Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 1992